Students, welcome to Caftanology 101. I'm thrilled to know you're eager to learn, there's nothing more gauche than being caftan-dumb! The good news is there's only 5 quintessential caftaning elements - and upon completing, you'll be have mastered the art of caftan elegance! Sew, without further adieu, let's begin.
If it's not WHIPLASH causing, it's not a caftan.
If the sleeves don’t catch aflame amidst a candle lit cheers, it’s not a caftan.
If it doesn't OWN YOU, it's not a caftan.
If it doesn’t sweep the dust bunnies off the floor, it’s not a caftan.
If you aren’t mistaken for a sashaying explanation point, it’s not a caftan.
Okay, are we clear? Splendid! Now, go off and buy one my dear!